Sunday morning felt… quiet. Not empty. Not peaceful in a light, carefree way. But a quiet that held both rest and weight at the same time. We woke up slowly, without alarms or anywhere we needed to be. For a moment, it almost felt like a normal Sundaythe kind where you ease into the day,… Read more

(The day after Ethan was born) The night was short, and the morning came quickly. Around 4 a.m., I was woken for a blood draw to check how my numbers were doing. From there, the morning slowly began to unfold. There was some confusion about the room I would be moved into, which took a… Read more

Leaving the OR felt surreal. I remember looking over and seeing Ben and my dad talking with Dr. K, thanking her for giving us the time we had with Ethan, and for taking such good care of me. I thanked her too… for everything she had done, and for keeping me safe through it all.… Read more

The day Ethan is born begins earlier than normal. I wake up before the sun, already aware that this day is different. Everything feels weightier, holier, more fragile. I am taking in every movement, every little reminder that Ethan is still here with me, still tucked safely inside me, still a part of me in… Read more

Tomorrow is delivery day. And I’ve found myself sitting in the weight of what that really means. For 231 days, God has given me the incredible privilege of carrying you, Ethan. Of helping sustain you. Of giving you the nutrients you needed to grow into exactly who God created you to be. What a gift… Read more

What would you do if you knew you only had 15 days left with someone you love? Not 15 days in the abstract. Not “someday.” But a real number. A countdown. A window of time you can almost hold in your hands. Today we were given a date. If all goes as planned, we could… Read more

Today’s Shane & Shane worship devo featured Liberty Worship Collective singing a song they wrote called “It Is Well (In the Wilderness).” It is a song I have been struggling with singing it, saying it, let alone believing it. How can it be well with my soul knowing I am going to lose my son?… Read more

Today we finally had Ethan’s ultrasound. This appointment was originally scheduled for yesterday, but with all the Texas storms and weather this week, it was canceled. After noticing some changes in how his heartbeat had sounded over the last several days, the delay felt heavier than usual. I went into today just wanting to see… Read more

Today was one of those ordinary days that didn’t stay ordinary for long. I was doing something simple cleaning out Austin’s clothes. He’s in a growth spurt, so the t-shirts no longer fit, and I started sorting through what to keep, what to pass along, what to store away. Just another task on the to-do… Read more

Today’s update feels like a turning point in a way I wasn’t prepared for. After my follow-up appointment with my OB today following my maternal-fetal appointment earlier this week we went from a place of very real, very immediate day-to-day thinking with Ethan… to a possible week-to-week reality. On the surface, that sounds like good… Read more