Today’s Shane & Shane worship devo featured Liberty Worship Collective singing a song they wrote called “It Is Well (In the Wilderness).”

It is a song I have been struggling with singing it, saying it, let alone believing it.

How can it be well with my soul knowing I am going to lose my son?

How can it be well when I might not even get to meet him this side of heaven?

I work hard to remind myself that Ethan is not mine. God entrusted him to us for a time, far shorter than any of us prayed for or imagined. When we began this journey 29 weeks ago… and even three years ago, when we adopted him as an embryo, praying God would allow him to come into our world… we never imagined this path.

As I listened to today’s devo, they talked about how God doesn’t take the hard days off. How He is the fourth man in the fire. How He draws near to the brokenhearted and wants to hold our hearts.

And in that moment, all I could think about was this:

God is the one pumping my son’s blood.

God is Ethan’s heart.

Ethan does not have what the world calls a heart and yet his heart is still beating. His blood is still flowing. He is still here with us. God is sustaining him moment by moment.

The song goes on to say:

“But even when I’m blinded, help my eyes to see, that it is well, it is well.”

I feel like I am in a season of broken dreams and blinding grief, even though I am not yet in the darkest part of the storm. And still, God is already helping me see His faithfulness in the midst of sorrow. He continues to remind me that He wants to hold my heart and walk with me through the wilderness, not rush me through it.

I don’t know what you may be struggling with today, but I am praying you will be reminded that the same God who is keeping Ethan’s blood pumping is the same God walking with you in your wilderness.

Let’s rest in Him.

Knowing He is with us.

Holding our hearts.

Helping us say, sometimes through tears…

It is well with my soul.